Know the Coach Prospect: Kurt Rambis

About this mope:

Kyriakos "Quirky" Rambidis, Pisces, was born in Terre Haute, Indiana (the giraffe capital of the Midwest) and quickly moved to Cupertino, California where he did all different types of thinking. He attended Santa Clara University, becoming the school's all time leading scorer when all was said and done. He followed a bit of a strange path to the NBA, but he's been here for quite some time now, and established himself as a scrappy basketball lifer. A pair of unsuccessful head coaching stints aside, Kyriakos has stuck with one of the most storied franchises in the game for nearly two decades, and has earned six championship rings. Four as a player, and two as a coach.

Measurements:

Rambis is a bigger guy. Sort of wiry strong as a player, with an unpredictability that bordered on worrisome. Thats cool and all, but how does he compare to the World's Coolest Cucumber? The guy who doesn't just sit there, you know, from a basketball standpoint?

...calculating... ...calculating... ...calculating...

...re-calculating... ...re-calculating... ...re-calculating...

As usual, Woody just gets it.

Who has coached him:

A very basic timeline of the coaches he's played under since college.

• Carroll Williams (Four years at Santa Clara. 341-277 all time, over 22 years.)
• Paul Westhead (7-4)
• The Rat (7 seasons together, 4 Championships)
• Dick Harter (coincidentally, the working title of Jay-Z's yet to be recorded, post Blue-Ivy's-teen-angst album)
• Gene Littles
• Cotton Fitzsimmons
• Paul Westphal
• Gary St. Jean
• Randy Pfund, Bill Bertka, Magical Johnson (all in one season)
• Del Harris

Who he has coached:

Shortly after his playing career ended, Kurt Rambis joined the Lakers as an assistant coach, and was promoted to Head Coach on an interim basis to finish off the lockout shortened '98-'99 season. Phil Jackson took the reins the following year, and Rambis took on a front office position. Within the next season Rambis returned to the bench as an assistant under Philly Phil.

Nearly a decade after his first head coaching gig, the Minnesota Timberwolves decided to throw Kurt up on the wall to see if he'd stick. Sadly, he put up a 15-win season and a 17-win season, and was shown the exit.

What do the talking heads think:

Oh my grod. They think he's laughably bad.

What do the amateur blog dorks think:

They think the talking heads are awesome!

Random Red Flag:

This total goof messed around with Kevin Love on his worthless Minnesota teams. Rambis decided to play guys like Anthony Tolliver down the stretch of games, in an effort to prove some useless point to no one in particular.

Clyde Factor:

"Rhombus... I believe thats a type of shape, Mike. Yea."

Knick Knacks:

The Knicks drafted Rambis in 1980, with the 58th pick. Then waived him. Then he played in Greece. Then we signed him in 1981, but he never played with us. Then he signed with the Lakers, and the rest is their history.

He has made a number of appearances on television shows, including "Married With Children", "It's Garry Shandling's Show" (not "The Larry Sanders Show") and of course "Malcolm and Eddie". Rambis was also a recurring character on a television show called "Seven Eyes, Seven Horns in Heaven". Or something to that affect. Scaramanga is a top-5 all time rapper to me, if you were curious. Rounded out by ODB, Kool G Rap, Prodigy... and uhhhh... uhhhhh... myself. No, maybe Hot Karl. Blao!

Like Kurt Rambis, I wear spectacles to play basketbles. Its always all about me, but at least I apologize for that. I'm sorry, everyone.

Takeaway:

Rambis was an energy guy, who wore glasses to play ball, which is not smart- even though everyone makes fun of you for "being smart". So... maybe the joke is on them? He has a place in the hearts and minds of tons of Laker acolytes, but has never found any lasting success outside of LA.

Final Thoughts:

It would be just a huge mistake to give the reigns to this dodo brain. He is a Phil disciple, only by proxy. When put in charge of the Timberwolves he was unable to clearly relay the tenets of the triangle and was driven out of town. He is probably a good assistant coach, they don't keep guys around for no reason. I wouldn't be surprised to see Rambis in New York as some type of assistant. Be it a big man coach, or just somewhere on someone's assistant chain of command. Possibly even getting a look as a lead assistant (for the first time) if things really break in his favor.

All in all, I don't think this dope is our dope.