clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Nets support bully cats; only Robin Lopez and the Knicks can stop them

New, comments

All cats should live free from fear!

The Knicks-Nets "rivalry" has never really had the juice the powers-that-be so desperately hope for. These are two moribund franchises, lacking in the kind of recent history needed to spawn real rivalries. It's just ... lame.

That's about to change, people. In a recent interview, Robin Lopez laid out some disturbing allegations about his brother Robin and his cat, Poupin:

"Brook's cat is very two-faced," Robin tells The Post. "Everybody loves Brook's cat. To everybody's face, he's such a nice cat. And it may sound like I'm joking, but I am dead serious. He acts like a lazy, sweet cat when everybody is looking. But when their heads turn, he'll try to chase after [my cat] Edward. The second I lay eyes on him, he'll act like, ‘I'm a cherub. I'm innocent.' I'm not buying it."

The lamestream media is trying to laugh this off, but we here at P&T understand that cat bullying is a worldwide epidemic, affecting approximately 5.6 million cats worldwide. (Disclaimer: statistic not based on research or evidence.) Bully cats like Poupin are devious, sadistic monsters. They parade around for their humans while their victims -- sweet, timid cats who just want to live their lives in peace -- are left to cower in hiding. They are the unseen victims, forever hidden under couches and atop bookcases.

Let me tell you a story about a boy named George. He was born literally on the wrong side of the tracks -- underneath a bush outside a light rail station in Changchun, in the frozen wasteland of Northeast China. From the time he was a kitten, George was bullied relentlessly by the other cats outside the station, until he was so emotionally damaged he refused to come out from under the bushes.

One day, a kindly accountant and cat fanatic who liked to feed the cats on her way to work noticed the terrified kitten being harassed by bullies. Taking pity on the little guy, she brought him to live with her daughter and her daughter's very unwilling American boyfriend.

It took nearly a year, but young George finally emerged from hiding under our couch, thanks to the encouragement of his new big brother, Jon Snowball.

As he grew older, this sweet boy embarked on a series of adventures, moving from China to the United States. He became a mentor to young kitties:

But the emotional and psychological scars remain, even five years later. George will jump right up and run out of the room at just about any sudden movement from anyone, human or cat. It's CPTSD -- cat post-traumatic stress disorder.

Tonight, when the Knicks take on the Nets, I want you to think about George. I want you to think about Robin Lopez's poor cat, Prince Edward Zephyr, and all the other sweet kitties who have suffered abuse at the hands paws of cat bullies. The Knicks are playing for them!