The tiny Baltic nation of Latvia was thrown into turmoil on Tuesday as their prime minister tendered her resignation. Per the Associated Press:
Latvian Prime Minister Laimdota Straujuma on Monday handed her resignation to the president, after rumors had been circulating for weeks about a possible government collapse.
The head of the prime minister's office, Arnitis Ringolds, said that although her resignation would come into effect immediately she would continue to lead the three-party coalition in a caretaker capacity until a new government is chosen by Parliament.
Ringolds gave no reason for her resignation except to say that the prime minister felt the need to have "a new government ... to get new energy from new people."
Of course, Latvia is perched in a precarious geopoltical position, wedged between the European Union and an ever-aggressive Russia. Straujma's downfall was hastened by concerns over the fate of their national airline, and ... ahhhh I can't pretend anymore! I only want to know how this will affect Kristaps Porzingis!
I must admit, I get scared when the Latvian government talks of needing "...new energy from new people." After all, who gives more energy than Kristaps fighting for an offensive rebound? Clearly he is the best choice to take over as prime minister: he's intelligent, charismatic, and most importantly, tall as shit. Consider for a moment our own history. When 13 bickering colonies needed a uniting force, who did they turn to for leadership? Tall-ass George Washington. When our nation was torn asunder by Civil War, who did the people choose to "bind up the nation's wounds?" Damn right ... a towering rail-splitter by the name of Abraham Lincoln. Judging solely by his height, Kristaps will be at least 22-percent better as a leader than Washington or Lincoln. At the very least he'll be able to dunk all over Vladimir Putin's doughy rat face.
That's all well and good for the people of Latvia, but what about the real victims here ... Knicks fans? Porzingis can't dominate the NBA and run a nation at the same time. I mean, he can, of course -- he's Kristaps Porzingis! -- but there are probably rules against it.
Latvia needs to follow the example of another tiny republic, buttressed against a hostile superpower: the great state of New Jersey. We didn't elect Bill Bradley a senator while he was still playing for the Knicks; we waited until he helped them win two titles, and then we elected him.
I know you're in desperate need of Kristaps' leadership, good people of Latvia. All I'm asking of you is to do as Jersey did: wait until Porzingis has won two rings -- maybe three -- and then call him back to the motherland to assume power.
There's a reason we call Kristaps Porzingis "World Star." He no longer belongs to just one nation. Please don't try to bogart him, Latvia. That would be totally uncool.