This exam measures your statistical knowledge of the 2015 New York Knicks. There are 25 questions, each worth 4 points. The answers can be found after the test, along with some arbitrary labels you're free to discard or cling to. Whatever gets you through the night.
This is not an open-book test. So no cheating by looking up the Knicks' team stats at basketball-reference.com. You will need a #2 pencil (2 as in Langston Galloway...not Oswald Cobblepot). You will need a 2-guard, too, but in the spirit of the Knicks, you will not find one.
NOTE: Ricky Ledo does not factor in to any of these questions. You will not be tested on him today, though he may appear on your end-of-semester exam.
1. Which Knicks rank 1-2-3 in minutes played this year?
2. The only Knicks to start every game they played for New York this year are injured (Carmelo Anthony, Jose Calderon) or gone (Iman Shumpert). The next most starting-est Knick has started 93% of the games he's played. Who is he?
3. Every player to spend any time with the Knicks this year has started more than once, except one player who's only started once. Who is he?
4. The only Knick to shoot over 50% from the field this year was Amar'e Stoudemire, now a Dallas Maverick. Of those players still on the roster, who leads the team in FG%?
5. Amar'e shot 55% on two-pointers. Who is the only other player to wear the blue-and-orange this year who shot better than 50% on twos?
6. Youth movement, y'all: Of all Knicks 25 and under, who's shot the best from the field?
7. Who's made more three-pointers this year: Jason Smith or Andrea Bargnani?
8. The four Knicks with the most three-pointers made are either injured (Tim Hardaway Jr., Carmelo, Calderon) or god-like (Pablo Prigioni). Among current, active Knicks, who leads the team in three-pointers made?
9. Though he'll miss half the season, Carmelo will still easily lead the team in free throws made. Who ranks second?
10. Carmelo still ranks second on the team in total rebounds. Who's first?
11. Who is the only player to have suited up for the Knicks this year with fewer than 10 offensive rebounds?
12. Fewer than 10 steals?
13. Who is the only Knick who hasn't blocked a single shot?
14. Who leads the Knicks in defensive rating (Drtg)?
15. Who leads the Knicks in offensive rating (Ortg)?
16. Which Knick has the highest positive difference in their Drtg and Ortg?
17. Which Knick has the highest negative difference in their Drtg and Ortg?
18. Besides Carmelo and STAT, who are the only other Knicks with a PER above the league average this year? There are three.
19. Pablo had the second-worst turnover percentage on the team, at 21.4%. Who had the worst?
20. Cole Aldrich's 54 blocks are the most by any Knick this season. Who is second?
21. Which Knicks rank 1-2-3 in assist-to-turnover ratio?
22. Name the three Knicks with more turnovers than assists this season.
23. Which Knick has the same number of assists as turnovers?
24. Who leads the Knicks in fouls committed this year? This isn't a trick question. Everybody should nail this one.
25. In the spirit of the clock winding down, the last question concerns heaves. Much to my and Lavor Postell's chagrin, Shane Larkin refuses to try heaves at the end of quarters. What player leads the Knicks both in heaves made and attempted?
1. In order: Hardaway, Jason Smith, Larkin. Among currently healthy players, Quincy Acy is next. Just like Phil drew it up.
2. Lou Amundson.
3. MMiranda's man-crush himself, Travis Wear.
6. Acy (.455).
7. Jah by a nose, 8 to 7.
8. Langston Galloway.
11. J.R. Smith.
15. Alexey Shved.
16. Shved. In fact, the only other Knick with a positive difference was Amar'e.
17. Cleathony Early.
18. Shved, Cole, and KG's Daddy.
19. Samuel Dalembert.
21. Calderon (2.68); Larkin (2.54); Shved (2.39).
22. STAT, Lance Thomas, Dalembert.
24. Once a Knick, always a Knick...even before you're a Knick.
WHAT YOUR GRADE SAYS ABOUT YOU
-- 0-2 wrong? You're the '70 & '73 Knicks!
Your basketball IQ will go down as the stuff of legends. Watching your mind at work is like watching 5 players combining to be more than the sum of their parts. There's an excellent chance you have a future in politics. Or fashion. Or peyote (which you don't smoke). Wherever you go, you shall find success.
-- 3-5 wrong? You're the '94 Knicks!
OK, so you didn't quite reach the top of the mountain. But coming as close as you did to the pinnacle's still a tremendous accomplishment, especially for someone who was balling in Turkey/bagging groceries not too long ago. Your journey will be lauded and re-told for years. You are a mensch.
-- 6-8 wrong? You're the '90 Knicks!
Your effort won't exactly inspire legends. But the odds were against you from the start. And even though the ultimate prize was denied you, the consolation prizes are pretty tasty.
-- 9-10 wrong? You're the 2014 Knicks!
Hard to watch, but there were glimmers of hope throughout. Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best thing. Better than this.
-- 11-13 wrong? You're this guy!
I can't...I can't even..........
-- 14+ wrong? You're the 2015 Knicks!
Good God, you're rough to watch. But we still love you. For some reason. Better days are coming. Because nothing can be worse than this. Except this.