I think it's fair to say that these past two Knicks games have been the most devastating moments in the history of the franchise...nay, of the world. All this team had to do was do that voodoo that they do so well -- namely, lose basketball games. Asking the Knicks to lose two games is like someone asking you to eat delicious pizza for two straight days.
But we all know how Derek Fisher feels about pizza:
Fisher's take on the dunk at the end - "Pizza doesn't taste that great."— Steve Popper (@StevePopper) April 4, 2015
These pizza-hating monsters have ruined our chances of finishing with the league's worst record. Our lottery odds have dropped, and we are clinging to, at worst, the No. 5 pick. The entire basketball world is laughing at us, because we're winning. Guh.
Life has made us some lemons, and the time has time to crush those bitches into some sweet lemonade. Let's flip the script on these hateful bastards, and look at the silver linings behind this terrifying and soul-crushing cloud of victories:
1. If you're reading this, you're still alive.
You are alive, aren't you? Do ghosts read P&T?
2. Whether you want him or not, it's important that Tim Hardaway is playing well.
Timmy followed up his disgusting clutch performance against Orlando with 23 points and five assists (???) in Monday's win over Atlanta. Given the fact that he's pretty much the only guy left on the active roster with a full guarantee next year, it's good see him finish the season strong. I'm still firmly in the "TRADE TIM" camp, and I'm hoping that these performances will convince some poor sucker in another front office that Tim still has offensive upside.
3. This should end all that irritating "Bargnani has played well" talk.
While I have been perfectly content watching the Knicks get their asses handed to them on a nightly basis, I could not stand the talk that Andrea Bargnani was somehow their best player.
You know the drill -- Bargs cans a few jumpers in the midst of a 20-point blowout, and some joker claims that his play is a bright spot on this wretched squad. Hell, even Breen and Clyde have advocated bringing him back on a minimum deal.
Fuck that. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THAT. Bargnani was never, at any point in this season, the Knicks' best player. A strong argument can be made that he has been their worst player. He has the worst on/off rating of any Knick, per NBA.com.
Here's hoping that Phil Jackson is paying attention to the incontrovertible truth of the Bargs effect: lose Bargs, win games.
4. DeMarre Carroll likes the Knicks.
Good to hear! And Fisher likes DeMarre too. Even better!
5. It's hard not to feel happy for Langston Galloway.
Over the last half-century, only five Knicks rookies (minimum 1000 minutes played) have averaged more minutes per game than Langston Galloway's 32.4: Mark Jackson, Bill Cartwright, Patrick Ewing and Jim Barnes. That's a pretty august group!
Whether Galloway winds up an All-Star or finds himself out of the league in a year, we should appreciate the work he's put in since getting the call up from Westchester. Andrew Wiggins -- the first pick in the draft -- is the only rookie who averages more minutes per game than the undrafted Galloway. Gallo 2 cooled down after a hot start his NBA career, but never for a moment stopped playing his ass off for this squad.
Let us hope that Monday's performance -- 26 points, five rebounds, six assists -- is a taste of what Langston can provide next season with better teammates and a full offseason with NBA coaching.
6. The Knicks could still win the lottery.
They won't, of course, but they could.