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For Mother's Day, let's harness the power of mothers to get the Knicks the number one pick

Johannes Simon/Getty Images

Now that the lottery odds have been decided, P&T is in full cultic religion mode. Occasionally throughout the weeks leading up to the May 19th lottery, I will ask you to appease the basketball gods with me. Previously, we froze envelopes and sent letters to bad Knicks draft picks.

Today is Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, mothers! Thank you to mothers for being mothers. I love you, moms. Thank you to my mother for being my mother. I love you, Mom.

... I will also happily exploit your fortune for the good of the Knicks. See, it's a known fact that mothers are subject to -- and stewards of -- especially good luck on Mother's Day. This is a demonstrated truth in both the scientific and spiritual fields, and it is also United States law. There is a way to borrow some of a mother's holiday-generated dominion to benefit the Knicks in the lottery. You just have to get a mother to say "number one" without her understanding why she's doing that. Observe what I accomplished just this morning:


It was, in fact, a textbook fool mommy trick, but it was light and harmless and for the good of the Knicks, and I made sure to bury it among plenty of other kind words and testaments of my love for her. And now the Knicks are going to get the number one pick in the draft. Can't say no to a mom on the day of moms, Basketball Gods*!

We need more moms. If you have access to a mom today, shower her in earnest praise and tributes, then see if you can tap into just a bit of that maternal fortune. If you're able, record your results and share them here. This is for the Knicks. And moms. But mostly the Knicks.

*Sorry for challenging your authority, almighty Basketball Gods. You can, of course, do whatever you please. I apologize for my impertinence. I am the very picture of sin and am now flogging myself to repent.