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Does Robin Lopez hate Disneyland? A P&T investigation

Frowny-faced Disney hater!

By Joe Flynn

It's a glorious summer weekend - the sun is out, the birds are signing, and all across America kids of all ages our flocking to theme parks to enjoy a day of magic and wonder. This is certainly true at our most famous theme park, Disneyland, where sources inform me a fun time was had by all.

*cue ominous music* ...or was it?

Earlier this weekend, security cameras at The Happiest Place on Earth caught this disturbing image on Splash Mountain:

No, that isn't Thor in the back -- the 'fro peaking out from behind the helmet should be a dead giveaway. It's prized New York Knicks free agent signing Robin Lopez, looking like a just smelled a 3,000-year-old mummy fart. Taking the Splash Mountain plunge with that expression is essentially the same as spitting in the cryogenically frozen of Walt Disney himself.

Naturally, Lopez's PR team quickly went to work, trying to spin this damning photo as some half-assed cosplay acting job:

We're not buying it, Lopez. Maybe you thought you were too much of a tough guy to act like were enjoying Splash Mountain. Well then you should have taken a cue from the world's manliest man, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson:

The implication here is obvious: Robin Lopez hates Disneyland and everything it stands for. Sure, he may claim to love magic and whimsy, as evidenced by these Harry Potter-inspired comments directed at his brother, Brook:

"A very Muggle response," Robin Lopez said, referring to characters from the book series who lack magical powers. "I think obviously he’s trying to hinder or suppress whatever mystical abilities I may have. He can’t understand them, and I don’t blame him for that."

But let us not forget where you can find the Wizarding World of Harry Potter...at Universal Studios! Robin Lopez is a theme park segregationist -- the kind of person who believes that all the real magic belongs at Universal and the soul-crushing bitch slap of reality should be saved for Disney.

And ask yourself this: if Lopez is truly enjoying the Disney experience, where are Mickey, Donald, Pluto or Goofy? Those dudes have been known to ride Splash Mountain in the past. Yet here we have Robin, notorious mascot hater, sitting at a veritable Human Pride Rally:

Did Robin Lopez kidnap Mickey Mouse to add to the collection at his underground mascot torture dungeon? Why am I the only one asking this question?

Look, I'm not trying to judge here. If Lopez can play solid D for the Knicks, I'm willing to overlook all the pouting and the Disney character-killing. But please, Robin, keep your perversions out of the public eye.

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