For the third time since being drafted, Kristaps Porzingis is putting rap on the map for your butt parts. First he blew up the internet like doody did to your bathroom this very morning. Then someone else blew it up even more. How can you take a shower when the goblins of doodoo are fogging up your nose hairs from downstairs? We could pull a heist, and pick a winner with this kid at the fourth pick, but we didn't exactly pick a rap historian. Nevertheless we were treated to a rhythm attack of unspeakable complexity from Jonah Ballow, and a historical vibes beatdown from my main man who has yet to miss, Kristaps Porzingis.
Ballow's effortless flow is accentuated by the wavering stance of his question-speak. It's like he doesn't know what he'll say next. Then, before you know what hits you, he asks a declarative statement. It's really a creative and innovative way to interpret old school, new school and true school rap lyricism and emceeingicism into its official soccer mom minivan. Jonah really snuck up and out-mommed us all.
In the end, Porzingis seems like a good kid and happily plays along, while Jonah tries to make fans happy. They don't pretend to know more than anyone, they're just offering a safe space. Which is worrisome, because if Porzingis is a big Drake fan, does that mean he will bolt for Toronto? Or does it mean he'll never have a wicked jump shot?
Here's a basketball rap that rhymes for you: face math + basketball skills math, Kristaps Porzingis!