Hey friendly video gamesfolk. Glad you could trolley on over to the old sporps blog to find out about the coolest new basketball button-masher. It's called NBA Live 16 and it's hot! Obviously we like to focus on the Knickerbockers around here, so let's take a look at the awesome game faces they got in store for you!
First let's take a look at some of the starters and guys that we remember from last year's team.
Hey cool, it's everyone's favorite chubster, Carmelo Anthony! It really looks like him, and he's in the 91st percentile. That's elite territory there! Talk about the digital athlete, am I in the right?
Oh look, it's Ricky Ledo! I didn't realize he was gonna make the final roster. I've scooped all the New York beat writers! I'm sure the Daily News will hire me. I just can't wait to work with Frank Isola.
Now here's where it gets in the game. The budget on this thing, my goodness! EA must have spent a ton of money getting professional Hollywood actor extraordinaire David Eigenberg, aka Steve, to pose for the role of Jose Calderon. It's so realistic, and thats the cool thing, 'cus its' like you're really ball playing, as David as Jose as Steve! Man- I'm feeling emotional, it's so good. Who's next? Maybe one of the new guys!
Well, yea ... Robin Lopez. Why the heck not? It's sort of, ya know ... hair is probably hard to render. I'm over here like, "How do you, Hashem, make every blade of grass come through and just be killin' it 24/7" and Hashem is kinda the strong silent type, but we have an understanding, ya know? And so in a way, the hair is perfect. And it's sorta... the same face and everything. What can ya say? EA with the good stuff.
So what are ya doing now? Wanna play a sports video game together? Like a basketball one? Shotty Knicks! IN YOUR FACE! Oh man, I'm gonna rip you to shreds. I'm gonna drop 31 points on you with Kristaps Porzingis. Oh you don't even know who he is? Yo check this dude out, he's 7'3", he just gained 11 pounds he's...
A 79 score overall! Man that is some fucking bullshit! I don't wanna play this stupid game. Nonsense! Who is this anyway?! It looks like they smushed Pablo Prigioni and Jason Smith's faces together and sharted out this generic garbage human. He looks like Oscar de la Hoya's body double about to get his meat tenderized. Wait a minute- is that Andy Rautins? OK, hold on. Hang on now. It's cool, chill out, it's Andy Rautins. FALSE ALARM. Just a little digi-bug there. No big deal. They spelled "Andy Rautins" wrong. I get it: Once a Knick, Always a Kick. I get it, I'm down. Lemme try a different team maybe. Let's look around.
Ya know -- I've always been a big Keith Bogans fan. That's what everyone always says. Where's he playing these days? Portland? Let's take a look.
Woof! That's wrong. Maybe, I can play with the Kings. I really wanna see how DeMarcus Cousins and Willie Cauley-Stein will work together.
Oh you know what actually, I really wanted to draft D'Angelo Russell instead of Andy Rautins. Maybe I'll just use the Lakers.
Oh, this is just fantastic. Andy Rautins plays for the Lakers now. I'll just bench him, and play Russ...
Um... ill. Speaking of ill, I wonder how Luke Babbit is looking these days.
You know what -- I don't even have enough time to play. But you should play. You should have fun, check it out and let me know how smooth the gameplay is. I'm sure it's a cool game. They even have signature moves! Check out this ridiculous LeBron travel and the physics-defying posterization!
For quite a few years the NBA Live franchise was at the forefront of the sports video game community. It had it's various little missteps and now it's officially time to close the storefront. Maybe they're just having a laugh at our expense. Somehow I doubt it. Something's totally fishy here.