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Rockets 130, Knicks 103: Scenes from the awful preseason opener

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The Knicks looked (somewhat unsurprisingly) disjointed in a blowout loss.

NBA: Preseason-New York Knicks at Houston Rockets Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

At least we got to watch the Knicks play basketball! Look, this game was not good, so let me get straight to the point.

Time to play a game called “Some of the New Knicks’ First Points for the Team!”

Here’s Derrick Rose:

Brandon Jennings:

Willy Hernangomez:

I don’t have video of Courtney Lee, Maurice Ndour, Marshall Plumlee, Chasson Randle, or Mindaugas Kuzminskas’s first points, but those also happened. This has been “Some of the New Knicks’ First Points for the Team.”

As for other highlights, Rose pulled off this nifty move:

Those are all the highlights we have. Pretty much everyone sucked today. Rose did have a solid third quarter (10 points and 5 assists that period), and Courtney Lee was about as good as advertised (which is pretty good!), but otherwise, it was a game to forget. Well, that’s preseason for you.

OH. WAIT. I ALMOST FORGOT. KRISTAPS PORZINGIS FUCKING DOMINATED THIS GAME.

Look at him block Clint Capela:

This shot is literally unguardable:

He took over completely in the third quarter:

So, in sum: Kristaps. Kristaps Kristaps. Kristaps? Kristaps.

Professor Miranda will have your recap in the morning. You should read it because he writes beautiful prose, and then you should pretend this game never happened. Except Kristaps. That happened, and it’ll keep happening.