clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Five totally legit and legal ways the Knicks can defeat the Warriors

All very reasonable!

Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

The New York Knicks take on the Golden State Warriors Wednesday evening -- just a case of one NBA team on the road taking on another NBA team who just so happens to hold a league-record home winning streak.

The boys in orange and blue will need a special game plan for tonight. Here are some ideas on how to beat the Warriors in Oakland.

1. Days of Future Past-style

An older Kristaps Porzingis -- from a future where he has already won 4 MVPs -- transfers his consciousness to the rookie Porzingis. Blessed with both the wisdom of age and the spirit of youth, Kristaps scores 65 points.

2. The Beard of Blindness

Load up Kyle O'Quinn's beard with some illegal, blinding substance, then put him on the floor to rub his beard in the eyes of every Warrior.

3. The Pat Toomey method.

The senator from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania made a compelling argument for refusing to even consider the president's nominee for the vacated seat on the Supreme Court:

Phil Jackson should employ the same tactic: The voices of Knicks fans need to be heard. Should there come a time when the Warriors' roster is more amenable to us -- say, 7-8 years down the road -- we would be happy to carefully consider playing them.

4. Slick shoes! (proposed by Jonathan Schulman)

5. Goodbye, Golden Gate.

Pretending to be Warriors owner Joe Lacob, call every player before they leave for the arena and say, "Hey guys, the new arena we're building in San Francisco is finished ahead of schedule, so we're playing there tonight." Then, when all the Warriors have gathered there, blow up all the bridges between San Francisco and Oakland.

While I'm not sure any one of these alone will be enough to guarantee a Knicks win, some combination of these five will definitely tilt the odds in their favor.

Good luck, guys!