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Why is Phil Jackson in Sioux City, Iowa? Here are 7 conspiracy theories

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ATV's! Thai food! A huge metal Jesus!

Seems like a pretty happenin' town.
Seems like a pretty happenin' town.
Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

IMPORTANT NEW YORK KNICKS COACHING SEARCH UPDATE:

Hmm ... so it would appear that Phil is in Sioux City, Iowa. He posted this photo because he wants us to know he is in Sioux City, Iowa. What does this mean?

Our crack team of Phil Jacksonese translators have spent the last 20 hours breaking down every single facet of this tweet to determine its significance toward the search for a new head coach. Here's what we have come up with.

Theory No. 1: Phil is road trippin' toward Frank Vogel

Pacers president Larry Bird has scheduled a press conference for Thursday, and has yet to inform head coach Frank Vogel of his final decision, according to Adrian Wojnarowski. Perhaps Phil is on way to crash the party and steal Vogel away, like Dustin Hoffman did in The Graduate.

Phil = Dustin Hoffman, bride = Frank Vogel.

Theory No. 2: Phil has a membership at a local ATV trail

Dating back to his hiring with the Knicks, riding around on ATV's has been Phil's preferred method of negotiation. Perhaps he has a membership at the Timber Ridge Ranch and Winery in nearby Mapleton, Iowa, and he's wooing some secret coaching candidate on some dusty trail even as we speak!

Theory No. 3: Anagrams!

"Diamond Thai Cuisine" is an anagram for "A machined idiot in us" which seems to imply Phil is ready to promote Kurt Rambis to the full-time position.

Theory No. 4: Maybe Sioux City really does have the best Thai food

Who are we to judge?

Theory No. 5: Phil is campaigning for the 2020 Iowa caucus

It's never too early to start. Hell, for all we know Ted Cruz is on his way there right now.

Theory No. 6: Phil wanted to see a giant metal Jesus

The Sioux City Wikitravel page is someone lacking in attractions. The only thing I could find is Trinity Heights, a 14-acre collection of "spacious walkways" and Christian shrines including 33-feet-tall metal statues of Jesus and Mary and a life-size sculpture of the Last Supper. Do they allow ATV's?

Theory No. 7: Phil got a bit lost trying to interview the 2015-16 D-League Coach of the Year

His name is Dan Craig, and he led his charges to the best regular-season mark in D-League history and a title. Sounds like a pretty good candidate, right? Unfortunately, that team is based in Sioux Falls, not Sioux City. Sioux Falls is in South Dakota, Phil ... just 90 minutes north on I-29. Can't miss it.

Update

Phil's heading west!

That's west of Sioux City.