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ESPN Sport Science attempts to quantify all that is Kristaps Porzingis

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I thought they told us unicorns don’t exist!

New York Knicks v Brooklyn Nets Photo by Elsa/Getty Images

I think we all can agree that science ain’t got shit on Kristaps Porzingis. How many times have zoology nerds tried to tell us that there’s no such thing as unicorns? Well guess what, dweebs, you can check out a real, live unicorn 41 times a year at Madison Square Garden!

Science remains undaunted, however; they even invited Kristaps to the ESPN Sport Science lab to definitely quantify his ability to kick ass on the basketball court:

We learn that Kristaps can dribble through agility drills at speeds similar to the average NBA point guard despite being a foot taller. Translate that to real basketball, and you wind up with this:

Later, Mr. Science Man uses apple crates, wires and a harness to determine just how high off the ground one must get to shoot over Porzingis (spoiler: pretty damn high). This could make for a spectacular Cirque du Soleil production, with acrobats flying on high wires while Kristaps blocks all their shot attempts.

Nice try, science. You showed us some cool stuff. But the true awesomeness of Kristaps Porzingis remains beyond our understanding.