Phew, is everyone recovered from that exhausting trade deadline? Phil made so many moves before 3 p.m. yesterday. What, don’t believe me? Well, if our President has taught me one thing, it’s that if you believe anything hard enough, you can make a whole bunch of other people believe it too. So here’s my fully sourced and vetted account of Phil Jackson’s trade deadline moves:
8:42 a.m. - Phil awakens, and moves from his bed to his couch
9:22 a.m. - Phil moves from his apartment to the bus, where he looks sad, probably because he actually had to get up and go to work today
10:20 a.m. - Phil moves everything on Steve Mills’ desk three inches to the right, except for his phone
10:55 a.m. - Phil trades $8.95 plus tax for a breakfast wrap
11:32 a.m. - Phil moves outside, and trades $20 for a little bag of oregano (sources could not confirm that it was oregano)
12:21 p.m. - Phil trades Carmelo’s orange headband he plans on wearing for Saturday’s game for a black headband that he peed on
12:53 p.m. - Phil has a bowel movement that comes out surprisingly easily (thanks Metamucil!)
1:21 p.m. - Phil moves to the couch in his office, puts his feet up, and takes a nap
2:25 p.m. - Phil moves all of Derrick Rose’s locker items into the dumpster
3:01 p.m. - Phil moves all of Derrick Rose’s locker items back to his locker and sprays them with Febreeze
3:05 p.m. - Phil gives a moving speech to the media and fans about hard work, playing as a team and his love of Carmelo Anthony
Is it sad that the least-believable one of those is Phil actually talking to the public?
- Most important news of the day: No serious damage to our beloved Unicorn’s leg.
Source: Knicks' Kristaps Porzingis will be out several days with ankle injury, but no ligament damage. For now, only swelling.— Adrian Wojnarowski (@WojVerticalNBA) February 24, 2017
- Also, Kristaps was shooting around in flip-flops today:
- OK, brace yourselves, here comes some post-trade-deadline hot takes, fresh from the oven... First, the inimitable Marc Berman of the NY Post starts an article about Phil’s deadline inactivity with a weird reference to Phil not liking the city of Las Vegas.
- Filed to “stories that just won’t fucking die,” Charles Oakley sat with Cavs owner Dan Gilbert at Knicks-Cavs last night, because Dan Gilbert is a petty assclown and Charles Oakley is probably milking this feud with James Dolan a little too much.
- Carmelo Anthony wasn’t moved at the deadline, but he apparently expected the Knicks to make some moves (which they didn’t). Via ESPN’s Ian Begley:
New York Knicks star Carmelo Anthony said he doesn't understand management's vision for the future after the club's inactivity at Thursday's trade deadline.
"No, not now. No, to be honest with you," Anthony said late Thursday night. "I think they were kind of planning on the trade deadline, whether they were trying to make moves. I think that was one plan. Now they've got to get back to the drawing board and come up with another plan about the future of this team."
- In other Carmelo news, he went and visited the kids of NYC soccer powerhouse Martin Luther King High School. Nice little video from Vice Sports.
- Frank Isola took the time to write a column shitting on Phil Jackson. In other news, the world is still round and the sky is still blue.
- In other unsurprising news, Knicks owner/blues musician/billionaire clown James Dolan donated $300k to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. And that is not an alternative fact.
- Former Knicks bench gawd Jimmer Fredette dropped 73 points in a 2OT game for the Shanghai Sharks of the CBA the other day:
- Old news, but new to a story on P&T so I’m going with it: KP shot his shot with hot model Abigail Ratchford and got a little love back.
- The ever-funny Shea Serrano of The Ringer wrote about “Better Trade Deadline Day,” which included a lot of Knicks action, naturally.
And that concludes your links for today.