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Knicks 110, 76ers 109: Scenes from a tank’s viewfinder

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How do you determine who wins?

Charlotte Hornets v New York Knicks Photo by Elsa/Getty Images

New York squared off against Philadelphia’s reigning tank champs tonight. No Kristaps Porzingis for the Knicks, so they relied heavily on Carmelo Anthony. Even though he didn’t play, Kristaps just can’t stay out of the highlight reel.

Tricked you, KP! Thank goodness Melo was up to the challenge as he dumped in a bunch of points. He scored so much it seemed like there were two of him out there.

Jahlil Okafor, the young big man that Philadelphia decided not to trade at the deadline, had some struggles. Here he is getting beat down the floor by a guy who wears unlaced Lugz and long johns to the game.

Here he is again. This time he tried to finesse Willy Hernangomez. Yea, nah.

Then he got a chance to contest his pal Lance Thomas but Lance completely annihilated that cuddly koala bear.

For parity, he did get away with this utter nonsense. Good job, Knicks. Way to play tank-powered defense.

Ron Baker got a DNP-CD but it’s easy to see why. Derrick Rose scored 18 points on 17 shots to go with his three assists and one turnover across 36 minutes. Don’t need help at the guard when you have an ace like Rose.

Enter Dad Melo. He carried you to maturity and he’ll save you from yourself. You’re still going to college, kiddies.

How the Knicks squeeze out this victory is beyond me. I guess they just aren’t as good at tanking as Philadelphia. The bigger mystery is how the scorekeepers gave Derrick Rose an assist on the final play. Gonna need a L2M on that. Full recap coming later. Stay tuned, Toasties.