What’s up my Posters? (Shouts to the Toasters too.)
Today we’re going to talk tank (of course), and I’m going to intentionally drop a lil’ story in here to incense an intense Phil Jackson debate, because why the hell not.
But first, listen to some music that I like:
Oh hey look, Stacey Dash sighting from when she was just the actress from Clueless instead of starring in the real-life version.
So what’s up with the Knicks?
— I know what you all came here for, and I’m here to give it to you. With their tanktastic loss against the Blazers, the Knicks advanced further towards fulfilling their destiny of nut-punching the Celtics out of the top spot in the lotto and taking Franchise Savior Markelle Fultz:
While you were sleeping (or watching March Madness) the #KnicksTank rolled on.— The Knicks Wall (@TheKnicksWall) March 24, 2017
They now have the 6th worst record in the NBA. pic.twitter.com/b8weGajhNZ
— In order to help with said tank, Carmelo Anthony will probably keep nursing that “sore knee” (winkwinkearpullshiftyeyebrowsdickgrab), and the big Knicks will call up Maurice Ndour from the Lil’ Knicks:
Mo Ndour being summoned to San Antonio after tearing up D-League. Melo may play limitedly in San Antonio.— Marc Berman (@NYPost_Berman) March 24, 2017
— Marc Berman, coiner of corny phrases, actually coined a phrase that I liked in his game recap, calling Portland “Tank City” after the Knicks proceeded to poop all over the court. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all members of Tank City, where JR Smith is still a Knick and bought every fan a literal tank to go to war with the haters.
— So, Derrick Rose. Depending on which headlines you choose to believe, the Knicks’ current point guard either thinks he can play the Offense-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named and wants to stay in New York, or he doesn’t care about money and just wants to win. Hey Derrick, I hate to break it to you dude, but those things are probably mutually exclusive. You stay with the Knicks, and they’ll probably stupidly throw you an extra year or four and more money. You go elsewhere, you’ll get less money and a chance to win.
— There’s a few no-names playing in Memphis tonight in this one game, I haven’t really heard of any of them. Honestly I doubt they’re even real. Like seriously, Lonzo Ball? De’Aaron Fox? These guys can’t be actual people, they sound like character names in World of Warcraft or something. “De’Aaron of Clan Fox” or some shit.
Phil Jackson clearly feels the same way, and is sending underling Steve Mills to attend the inconsequential Kentucky-UCLA game. Phil will instead be scouting an exciting prospect named Shaquille O’Neal, though unfortunately not a version that time-traveled from the year 1993. Just the current fat TV analyst version. He has a great big center butt, though!
— In lovely, positive Knicks-related news (there must be a catch, right? Nothing good happens to the Knicks), Patrick Ewing is being considered to replace the recently-fired John Thompson III at his alma mater, Georgetown. That would be incredibly cool, and well-earned for a guy that has served more than enough time as an assistant. Also, this is a Woj report, meaning Ewing is virtually guaranteed to be signed already by the time this is published.
— More fun Knicks news? Seriously, stop it right now. This Marshall Plumlee story about how he bums rides from Burgundy and Kuz is just too cute. Give me more depressing stuff, dammit!
— Hey, right on cue, here’s a piece where Stefan Bondy of the NYDN interviewed Brandon Jennings about how things went wrong with him and the Knicks this year. Many depressing gems, like this one:
"Anybody who is watching the game, you know if you're watching the game. When the ball got to the pinch post it was never. …," Jennings said, speaking in general terms. "You got Derrick Rose, who can score, who can do things. You have (Porzingis). Guys could never really find their shots or find their rhythm. So it was like, something's wrong with that. You have Derrick Rose who can get to the rim with ease and score. But even he was out there lost. That's how I looked at it. I looked at it that he didn't know what was going on. KP, he was trying to come into his second year trying to find himself, and he couldn't really find a rhythm either. So it's definitely difficult."
— Triangle triangle bullshit bullshit triangle.
Some non-Knicks stuff
— JJ Barea proves that Blake Griffin is soft.
— Legendary coach Bob Hurley of historic St. Anthony High in NJ is working banquets signing tons of autographs to try to save his school and it’s really sad. Hope they’re able to get it figured out. He can come across the river and coach the Knicks instead if things don’t work out.