The Knicks are cursed. We all know this, and have grown to accept it. With the Draft Lottery coming on Tuesday evening, many fans have braced themselves more for the .000000000001 percent chance that the Knicks tumble to pick 10 than the 1-in-20 shot that they move to No. 1.
And you’d be reasonable to assume so — the Knicks have already taken one L via the fates during this fledgling offseason, losing the tiebreaker with the Minnesota Timberwolves, sitting them in the No. 7 spot.
But what’s this? Off in the distance, a knight in shining armor approaches, microphone in his sheath, beaming and redeeming the beleaguered Knicks:
Lottery representatives for each team tomorrow night pic.twitter.com/boKd55ol6c— Ohm Youngmisuk (@NotoriousOHM) May 15, 2017
Yes, Knicks legend and current Knicks announcer Walt “Clyde” Frazier will be representing the Knicks at the Draft Lottery, and until proven otherwise, I am now 100 percent sure that the Knicks will get the top overall pick.
But this is no easy task. Look at the size of his suit collection!
Let’s try to narrow this down to some contenders:
The Cow Suit
Perhaps Clyde’s most famous suit, the Cow Suit features a creamy white base with black and brown cow spots.
I’d say for most of my generation (the age 20-35 crowd), when you think Clyde, he probably pops up in your head wearing this suit. It’s the only one of Clyde’s suits to ever be immortalized in bobblehead form, and has a fun story associated with it from Clyde’s excellent 2011 interview with the New York Times:
The green suit shares space with the cow print that Frazier first assessed as sofa fabric for rental property in St. Croix. He was in Zarin Fabrics, on the Lower East Side, when he spotted the cow print, along with the leopard and tiger designs, on rolls. These could be suits, he said, offering the sort of idiosyncratic style judgment usually reserved for Las Vegas extravaganzas.
“I asked the guy and he said, ‘Yeah, it could be a suit,’ ” Frazier said. “But he might have told me just to sell it.”
And so the Cow Suit was born. This one’s my pick, as long as Clyde brings one of the bobbleheads with him to the Lottery.
The “Grandma’s Couch” Suit
I couldn’t really think of a better name for this one than “Grandma’s Couch,” because it reminds me a lot of the furniture that adorns my dear grandmother’s condo in Florida.
This suit is very springy, very full of hope. You look at this and can’t help but smile because A) this suit is ridiculous looking and B) Clyde totally pulls it off.
This suit would essentially personify “go big or go home.” Our guy is going to have to compete with Joel Embiid if he wants to get the Basketball Gods’ attention tomorrow night, and what Clyde lacks in quick Twitter fingers he could more than make up for with this suit.
The “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Clyde” Suit
See that face Clyde’s making right there? That’s the face he’d need to have on all night if he wore this suit. All business, no fun and games. It would catch everyone off guard, and that’s the point.
Tomorrow, right as Mark Tatum rolls up to read off “Boston Celtics” for the top overall pick, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Clyde” sneaks up behind him, gently peels open the envelope, and places a Knicks card in instead.
NBA Deputy Commissioner Mark Tatum opens the card and reads, “New York Knicks.”
“But wait, Mark already read off the Knicks as the seventh pick...” wonders Wyc Grousbeck, whoever the hell that is.
“Did they now?” remarks Clyde, back at his seat.
The crowd looks at the big board. The Celtics are now in the seventh spot, and the Knicks in the first.
“But, but... we weren’t supposed to pick any lower than fourt...” Grousbeck trails off and face-plants on the desk, as Clyde slinks back to his seat.
“Death knell for Markelle!” Clyde exclaims.
Orange and blue patterned suit
Not that you can call any of Clyde’s looks “boring,” but this would definitely be the safe choice, for obvious reasons.
The “Red Cow” Suit
This suit is kind of like the regular Cow Suit, but smeared with the blood of the Knicks’ enemies, like a warrior going to battle. Morbid, but I can dig it.
The “Dressed for the Rest of the League’s Funeral” Suit
On second thought, maybe this one wouldn’t be such a good idea.
What’s your choice for Clyde to spin and win in tomorrow night?
What suit should Clyde rock at the Draft Lottery?
This poll is closed
The Cow Suit
The "Grandma’s Couch"
"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Clyde"
Orange and blue
The "Red Cow" Suit
Dressed for a Funeral
Other (share some pics in the comments!)