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Looking for secret codes in Kristaps Porzingis’s emojis

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What is he thinking? Don’t bother reading his words, man!

NBA: All Star Saturday Night Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

By now, you’ve probably seen it.

A tweet that was twote and untwote almost as quickly as the Knicks season unraveled earlier this year. Except this tweet may have potentially struck the fear of a thousand Giancarlo Stanton-with-the-bases-loaded at-bats in the hearts of Knicks fans everywhere. Most fans were pretty jazzed by the evaporation of any chance the Knicks had at the playoffs anyways, and were hoping for a top-three pick instead (until that, too, was evaporated).

This not-so-cryptic message, well, y’all can read. This shit absolutely gives me the heebie-jeebies. A few days ago, it was reported that KP ghosted on his exit meeting, which prompted a few teams to try to trade for him. The Clippers were not a logical trade partner, it was soon revealed.

So, where the hell is this poop coming from?

Well, apparently he was hacked.

Two hours after tweeting that he had been hacked, he tweeted a picture of his recently used emojis in an effort to prove that he opts for a more open mouth smile look when speaking in emojis, and that the since deleted tweet could not possibly have come from him.

But was the tweet really a hack? Smiley emojis + the Clippers is kinda weird. The Clippers? Really? You momentarily gained access to KP’s twitter account and tweeted that? The shit just doesn’t add up. I think the more likely explanation would be that this was an elaborate emoji-driven conspiracy orchestrated by KP to send us a series of covert messages....using his frequently used emojis. *thinking emoji x3*

Let us examine.

Several theories have already been thrown around Twitter and most of them revolve around him sliding into Abigail Ratchford’s—a model who is at the very least an acquaintance of KP’s—DM’s. I had a little time on my hands and decided to take a closer look and some other possibilities.

Take a look at this sequence of emojis:

Alright, I think I’ve figured it out. On March 28th, the Latvian national men’s soccer team took a bad 5-0 loss to Georgia (the western Asian country, not the southeastern state). According to this Belgian article (written in French), that loss was humiliating enough for former Latvian head coach Marians Pahars to step down from his position.

The article states:

[...]Marians Pahars, qui avait décidé de se retirer après l'humiliation subie face à la Géorgie en mars dernier (0-5).

That literally translates to “Marians Pahars, decided to remove himself after the humiliation he felt following the 5-0 loss to Georgia in March.” Interesting. Check those emojis out, maybe KP was watching that game and was like “yo, Marians doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing...I can’t watch! How can he be the leader of this soccer team, he’s sooooo bad omfg!!! Fuck him!” (see-no-evil monkey emoji, middle finger emoji, shrug emoji) Then, when Pahars stepped down, he was like: “Yeah! *fist bump*”

The Latvian soccer team filled their head coaching vacancy by hiring a fellow by the name of Aleksandrs Starkovs, who according to that same piece, was the head coach that led Latvia to a berth in the 2004 Euro Cup—their only appearance in that tournament since Latvia split from the Soviet Union after its dissolution in 1991. KP, who was 9 in 2004, remembers this and was elated! He was like “Latvia! I love Latvia!” Then he remembered he had cornrows back then and was like “:p.”

I uncovered one other message. Equally plausible, and definitely directed at a certain team president. Take a look at this:

KP is known to be a big fan of his hometown soccer team, FK Liepaja. Conceivably, they’d be his top soccer team in Latvia. They possess all the qualities Kristaps’ desires in a franchise—ambition (arrow emoji), Latvian pride (flag emoji), strength (bicep emoji), passion (heart emoji).

That team’s main sponsor, even appearing in their team’s name, is a car insurance company called Mogo Finance. Here are Mogo’s company values:

I’m sure you’ll find that these values are at odds with those of the Knicks...to say the least. Did KP low-key conspire with Mogo to have them publish those company values and are his frequently used emojis meant to direct Phil Jackson’s attention to them? Obviously, yes. And Phil remains oblivious, as indicated by the sleeping emoji.

Emojis always tell a story. Hacked? Sure you were. I’m on to you, B.