clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Mallory Edens wants to own the Knicks

New, comments

But would she be better than the current ownerrrrrrahahahahaha

2017 NBA Awards Live On TNT - Arrivals Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for TNT

Mallory Edens wants to own the New York Knicks. The daughter of Milwaukee Bucks’ co-owner Wes Edens was recently cornered by human embarrassment TMZ and asked about the underrepresentation of women in the four* major American sports leagues (*LOLOL, NHL). The question then specifically turned to the possibility of Edens owning a team in the future.

“I want to buy the Knicks one day,” she answered. “We’ll see how that works out.” Edens overcame a skull fracture a few years ago, so she’s tough enough to deal with whatever challenges she’d face as owner of the NBA’s flagship NYC franchise. She also sounds like she has an awareness of gender inequalities in professional sports, particularly in ownership, management and coaching positions.

Hey future Knick owner! A lot of us love Becky Hammon, too!

Edens showcases several reasons she’d represent an improvement on current ownership. For example, like the players whose paychecks she’d be signing, and unlike the current puddle of mod podge lording over Madison Square Garden, she’s got some skills.

I think I'd call that a swing and a hit ‍♀️

A post shared by Mallory Edens (@mallory_edens) on

If, like me, you don’t consider golf a sport, she’s still got it covered.

Sunday morning

A post shared by Mallory Edens (@mallory_edens) on

Unlike what the current Knick regime has publicized in recent times, she seems to have an appreciation for freakish once-in-a-generation talents, as per her tweets after the Kristaps Porzingis trade rumors scuttled onto dry land.

She’s also an avowed (projected) fan of our Knick Fairytale Team tournament. Get out and do your cyber-civic duty, friends.

The odds of anyone prying the Knick from James Dolan’s cold, clammy hands seem remote. There’s been no evidence that he has any interest in selling the team, and even if her family sold the Bucks and gave her all the proceeds, she’d still be a couple billion-with-a-”b” dollars short. But this is still summertime, and as a Knick fan summer is when one can dream of what one knows will never be, e.g. having an owner who’s young, socially conscious, energetic, expressive, open, female, and doesn’t categorize everyone she sees as an alcoholic, a threat, or an employee in need of authority. As opposed to one who’s older, criminally misogynistic, drab, taciturn, and hides in the dark, emerging only to subsist on the bone dust of crushed children who dared cross his bridge without paying the toll (though for just $69.99 a month and a two-year contract, those crushed children can cross the bridge and get TV and phone service bundled with their internet service!).

Seriously, wins and losses come and go, but one of the surest ways the Knicks could air out the stank of regressive culture that’s permeated opinions of the organization for years now would be to be owned by a woman. Make whatever you want out of that. Try to twist and rend “equality” until it seems a reasonable approximation for “justice,” something it isn’t and can never be. Lampoon this entire storyline as absurd because odds are it will never come to pass. Truth is truth, though. We still got a couple months before the season starts. Enjoy your imagination. Let it stretch. Daydream. Somewhere there’s a dimension where Mallory Edens owns the Knicks. I hope there’s a tesseract we can travel to see what it’s like, if only to taste and not drink.

Asked if she’d engage in a franchise ownership switch, a la Major League Baseball’s Boston Red Sox/Montreal Expos/Florida Marlins three-way trade — and count me among those who can’t imagine a billionaire owner’s adult male heir being asked about a swap versus outright control of a franchise—Edens said, “I don’t need to swap. My dad can keep the Bucks. I’ll take the Knicks and I’ll see you in the Eastern Conference Finals.” SAYIN’!

We’ll light a candle for you, Mallory. Fingers crossed. Keep saving up!