The “Once a Knick, Always a Knick” EuroBasket All-Star Team

EuroBasket 2017 starts Thursday, which means Knicks fans around the world will be paying attention to the likes of Kristaps Porzingis (Latvia), Mindaugas Kuzminskas (Lithuania) and Willy Hernangomez (Spain).

But the Knicks are a lot like the Yakuza—you never truly leave. Also, they make you want to cut your pinky off. In that spirit, let’s take a look at some prominent ex-Knicks who will be playing in EuroBasket.

Timofey Mozgov - Russia

It’s hard to believe young Timo has been gone so long. He was a part of the trade package which helped the Knicks land Carmelo Anthony—the same guy whom the Knicks have been trying to trade away for almost a year now. Sunrise, sunset.

Mozgov became one of approximately 40 ex-Knicks to win a ring with the 2015-16 Cleveland Cavaliers, then duped the Lakers into handing him a massive contract. The Russian big man recently was exiled to the Siberia of the NBA: the Brooklyn Nets.

Alexey Shved - Russia

The year is 2067. An 85-year-old Joe and a 123-year-old Bob Silverman are talking Knicks on some 4-D virtual reality social media platform...

Joe: “The Knicks are still thin at the point guard position. I wonder if Alexey Shved is available.”

Bob: “Shved is just what this team needs!”

Joe: “Shved! Shved! Shved!”

Thanasis Antetokounmpo - Greece

It’s been a banner month for the first two draft picks of the Phil Jackson Era—Cleanthony Early has been busy getting trucked by Tim Hardaway Jr. and Hoodie Melo in those Chris Brickley pickup game videos, and Thanasis is representing Greece on behalf of the Antetokounmpo family (Giannis recently pulled out of the competition). Whatever...Thanasis is better anyway.

Kostas Papanikolaou and Georgios Printezis - Greece

The Knicks traded both to Portland to acquire Raymond Felton (the second time). Neither plays in the NBA, but I still feel the Knicks lost this trade.

Kevin Seraphin - France

The Knicks still miss his off-court Snapchat camera skills, to be honest.

Louis Labeyrie - France

Did you know that Louis Labeyrie has played for New York’s Summer League team for the past seven years? That’s not true...but it feels true.

Sergio Rodriguez - Spain

Played for the 2009-10 Knicks, then felt the need to take a six-year break from American basketball. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Anthony Randolph - Slovenia

Hell yes! When some snooty hipster jackwagon tries to tell you that soccer, not basketball, is the true world game, simply counter with, “Slovenian citizen Anthony Randolph.” The former LSU Tiger and profound Knicks disappointment was naturalized just in time for this tournament. Look at how happy he is!

That is by far the most I’ve ever seen him smile. And why not? I’ve been to the Slovenian capital of Ljubljana, and it is just a delightful little city. Also, did you know that the president of Slovenia is not Donald Trump? Take me with you, Anthony! #OAKAAK forever!