In Jorge Luis Borges’ “Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote,” Menard, a 20th-century author, tries to organically, spontaneously produce a verbatim re-telling of Miguel de Cervantes’ 1605 classic Don Quixote. Dismissing texts that situate historical figures in modern contexts, Borges writes “Like all men of good taste, Menard abhorred these useless carnivals, fit only -- as he would say -- to produce the plebeian pleasure of anachronism or (what is worse) to enthrall us with the elementary idea that all epochs are the same or are different.”
Speaking of epochs: after Monday’s loss to Phoenix, the Knicks are 9-23. They’ve played 31 games, or 39% of the season. 39 years ago the Knicks were a sub-.500 team with a roster featuring nine players 25 and under. This year’s team is sub.-500 and features 10 players 25 and under. Not the same. But not entirely different, either.
You may ask yourself why you can’t quit this team. I can’t answer that. But together we can explore how well you know that which you cannot live without. It’s your 2018-19 Knicks midterm, a mixture of multiple choice and short answer questions. The essay portion of the quiz can be completed in the comment section afterward.
No need to cram. The professor is fairly anti-grades, in real life and at P&T. Just have fun with it. Learn what you didn’t know you didn’t know, and ask yourself why.
(all numbers as of the Phoenix game)
1) What percentage of all minutes have gone to players 30+ years old?
2) Which Knick is the biggest chucker, i.e. who puts up the most shots per minute?
a) Trey Burke
b) Enes Kanter
c) Tim Hardaway Jr.
d) Mario Hezonja
3) Who leads the Knicks in assists per game?
a) Frank Ntilikina
b) Emmanuel Mudiay
d) Noah Vonleh
4) One of the few team categories the Knicks are above-average in is offensive rebounding. You can probably guess their three per-36 leaders are Kanter, Robinson and Luke Kornet. Can you guess which Knick backcourt man leads the team in offensive boards per 36?
a) Damyean Dotson
b) Allonzo Trier
c) Ron Baker (posthumous)
d) Courtney Lee
5) Are there more Knicks averaging 1+ block per game or 1+ steal per game?
6) I totally figured Robinson led the team in turnover percentage. Not even close; he’s eighth. Who is this team’s Butterfingers?
7) Who leads the team in most turnovers via bad passes and lost balls?
d) Mitchell Robinson
8) Which Knick has attempted his shots from the farthest average distance? Luke is technically #1, but I’m thinking people who’ve played all season.
d) Kevin Knox
9) Which guard has taken the highest percentage of his shots from three feet and in?
10) Who is the team’s long two-pointer addict — most shots taken from 16 feet to just inside the arc?
11) Who leads the team in long two-pointer accuracy? (Hint: it’s not the same answer as #10)
12) Who is in line for The Blanche DuBois Award for the Knick most dependent on the kindness of strangers to get them buckets? Meaning which Knick has the highest percentage of their buckets assisted by others? (discounting Lance and Lee, who’ve barely played)
13) Who does not lead the team in heaves?
14) You can probably guess Robinson leads the team in defensive fouls. Who’s committed the most offensive fouls?
15) Who’s drawn the most fouls?
16) Who leads the team in points generated via assists?
17) Who leads the team in and-ones?
18) Which Knick has had their shots blocked the most, per minute?
1) Courtney Lee and Lance Thomas have combined for 292 of the team’s 7780 minutes so far, for 3.7% of the total.
2) Hardaway barely edges out Burke, at 18.6 shots per 36 to 18.4. Not sure which is more baller: that the teenage Knox is already third on this list, or that Mario Hezonja is fifth on a team with more than five players.
3) Mudiay, at 3.5 per game. That’s not the interesting part of this question. No Knick is averaging 4 assists per game. The last time that happened was nineteen hundred and sixty-freaking five, Willis Reed’s rookie season. Five years later the Knicks were champs. 2024 gonna be lit, fam.
4) Lee. Weird, right?
5) Trick question: only 1 of each! Robinson & THJ. Vonleh and Dotson are each just below a block and a steal per.
6) Frank, just a smidge above Trier.
7) You see it at least once every game, usually near halfcourt. THJ.
8) Frank. Wow. Take that for data.
10) Burke. If Lee qualified, it’d be him.
11) Mudiay, just ahead of Dotson.
12) Robinson & Hezonja.
13) Easiest question on the quiz. Trier. Just making sure you’ve been awake this semester.
14) Kanter, one ahead of Trier and Vonleh.
15) THJ on both ends. In fact, he’s drawn as many offensive fouls as the next three Knicks combined (Vonleh, Frank, and four dudes tied with four).
16) Tie: Mudiay and Tim.
Hope you enjoyed this non-assessed assessment. Tell us how you did...and while you’re at it, tell us about a school food you especially enjoyed. My high school served fiestadas that were somehow out of this world. They looked like crap but tasted like God. Whaddya got?