Why the Knicks should not hire Mark Jackson

Hello my dears!

Usually we have fun things to talk about but today we are Serious. Today we are going to talk about Mark Jackson and why he is a Bad Choice to coach our beloved little band of misfits.

I love the Red Storm and the Big East and I’m as nostalgic for Johnny New and the Bomb Squad as much as the next person, but there is no goddamn way Mark Jackson should be the next coach of the Knickerbockers.

Let someone else talk Xs and Os, I’m here to spill tea:

Disturbing faith healing tendencies

• That time his church tried to heal Steph Curry’s ankle with oil. Which isn’t even the scary part! No, the scary part is what happened after praying over and blessing Curry’s ankle (two days post-sprain):

If he believed he was healed, he needed to show it.

So Curry started shimmying and hopping on his right foot, much to the delight of the congregation.”

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Curry said.

Good thing that ankle never bothered him again. Imagine Kristaps Porzingis feeling like he needed to jump around on his injured leg to prove that snake oil worked. This would be Not Good!

Disturbing personal life drama

• That time his stripper ex-mistress tried to extort him with dick pics he sent
• ... And then he called the FBI on her

Look, everybody’s life has static, right? And normally I don’t really care about what happens between consenting adults. But one bright spot in the past Knicksyear has been the noticeable absence of off-court coach’s drama (*cough* Derek Fisher). Jackson is newly single, and combined with the whole NY media thing, it could get hectic. Also, stop snitching.

Disturbing work issues

• That time he tried to organize a locker room coup against John Stockton
• That time that he was fired because nobody could stand him
• Nobody
• No, really, people do not like him

Jackson’s departure from Golden State was a mess, with acrimony and conspiracy all around. He feuded with management and ownership and helped to create a pretty unhealthy work environment. Hmmm. Can you think of a worse place for a coach who tends to want to be the alpha dog and gets into fights with management than Madison Square Garden? I can’t.

Disturbing habit of airing dirty laundry publicly

• That time he pretty much lied on national TV to throw a former player under the bus
• That other time he used his TV gig to settle personal scores
• That time he said Steph Curry was hurting basketball
• Those times he threw the assistant coaches (that he hired) under the bus
• That time he complained about being fired from the Warriors from the pulpit

I just don’t want to deal with this. I don’t want to have this in my life. This plus Jim Dolan is too much negativity. Disaster. No.

And last and certainly not least, disturbing homophobia

• That time he said he didn’t want a gay player in his locker room

Enough said.