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Game Preview: Knicks at Magic, 4/3/2019

The Magic should change their name and their uniforms and move to Seattle and become the Sonics.

When Dolph spun.

Warm Up Music


Knicks by -19.

Too many ill-fitting reasons not to let this one slip away. The Magic have to pull the rabbit out of the hat, and immediately cut it’s head off in front of the screaming children who grab their ears and twist out clumps of hair. Parents will never be able to help them fully recover. The children go on to live off the grid in the woods, surviving as a pack for several months before being cornered and eaten by that ornery chupacabra that we call cap space.

The Knicks need enough cap space to fit an entire family of live rabbits in. This is the game the Magic are tricked into signing Mudiay.

Key Matchup

The Mud slide has to dominate DJ Augustin tonight. The Magic must then remember this game in the off-season; channel their inner Doc Rivers (he’s in there somehwere) and sign the guy that gave you so much trouble that one dumb time.

“No flops.” LOL. Wait... this reminds me of someone. Can’t quite place it. I feel queasy.

Projected Starters

The Knicks will have newly signed Billy Garrett along for the ride. He’ll take over for the concussed Kadeem Allen. With any luck, he will completely supplant all of Mudiay’s nonstop garbage time performing. Garret has good size and can shoot the thing a little something. He’s certainly earned a chance to get some NBA games under his belt on this utterly worthless season. Fizzy Womack needs to give someone else a chance!

If you have a psychic break and look down at your hands, but can’t tell how far away from them you are, you may be watching the Knicks. Try to count the amount of games left on one of your hands. Can you clench and unclench your fist? Are they always that size? I cannot believe how long this is taking, how far we’ve been and the amount of time remaining on the clock. My advice is to not get too comfy because this putrid year still has a ways to bend. You don’t want to get folded up into this basketball-never-stopping taco. A giant might pick you up and take a bite. You don’t want to live through that again.

The Magic (39-40) are a half game out of the playoffs. How annoying must that be? So close to the playoffs and your impending slaughter. On quite the opposite end of the spectrum the Knicks (15-62) are just playing out the string. They don’t even seem curious to play spoiler. Trying to get Emmanuel Mudiay right, accidentally falling into a space where he’ll potentially cost more to keep.

What is up with you fools. Just can’t win for losing.