Rockets 120, Knicks 96: “Point Hez is more fun to watch than Mud.”

Look at the picture above. The one with the Knicks player on the right and the Rockets player with the dead wombat on his chin on the left. Can you spot the real MVP?

If you picked the Knicks player on the right, you’re correct, at least as it pertains to Friday, April 5, 2019.

Prior to tonight’s game against the Rockets, the Knicks announced that their only healthy point guard, Emmanuel Mudiay, would be out with a “sore left shoulder,” which was really just a front to get us to the greatest prize of all: Point God Super Mario Hezonja.

Now, don’t go thinking that this was a good game. Other than Hez’s brilliance and Mitchell Robinson’s usual Mitchell Robinsonning, this game was shit. But the Hezonja of it all somehow made it worth it.

It’s not even worth running through the particulars of how we got to the final score. So I’ll go full Kevin Malone with it.

Knicks bad. Rockets score twice Knicks points first quarter. Knicks make no threes first quarter. Knicks make six threes whole game. Rockets take 59 threes, make 22. Harden not even play that good, Knicks still waxed, trail by 42 one time. Me barf all over place.

Me think, why waste time, say lot word when few word do trick?

(This is gonna be kind of a theme in this recap — I’m really running out of new ways to talk about how much this team sucks.)

Note time:

— So yeah, Mario Hezonja was once again the star of the show. He’s this season’s Alexey Shved, but maybe with some actual upside on his career arc. Just like when he drew the start against the Magic the other night, I fully expected a potential dumpster fire. Instead, we were treated to one of the best (or at least most entertaining) individual performances of this season:

Doesn’t get much better than watching a guy who has no business being a point guard somehow notch a 16-point, 16-rebound, 11-assist triple-double while being far more entertaining than arguably any actual point guard on the team has been this year.

Better yet, Mario managed to contain his powers just enough to let the Knicks still lose by double-digits and inch ever closer to the promised land of top lottery odds (and a guarantee that the Knicks can drop no lower than pick No. 5, which is important to keep in mind if you’re at all familiar with the Knicks’ horrific luck in the lotto).

Important question (again):

— Mitchell Robinson is still awesome. Big Meetch had 12 points (5-6 shooting), nine rebounds, three blocks and a steal. The two-block streak is still alive at 27 games!

Mitch was bouncy, as per usual, and basically put on a very Mitch-like performance. I kind of got the idea that he was showing out a little because he was playing across from Clint Capela, whom everyone has compared Mitch to for basically the whole season.

Crazy part is, I feel about 85 percent certain that Mitch is going to be a better player than Capela at this point. And make no mistake, Capela’s a very good and useful player in this league.

— I’d be remiss if I didn’t bring up the fact that Mitchell Robinson is now legally Kenneth Faried’s father, despite being eight years his junior:

Congrats to the new dad!

— Kevin Knox had kind of a rough night compared to his recent hot streak (13 points on 5-14 shooting), but it wasn’t all a loss. He had this one cool dunk, at least.

— Damyean Dotson played hard like usual, but kinda laid a turd on the court playing in his hometown. Seven points on 3-14 shooting. Yucky.

— Kenny Albert is fine and a professional and all that jazz, but his and Clyde’s interactions are significantly less fun than Clyde and Mike Breen. That’s never more apparent than in these horrible blowouts, when the game isn’t really worth talking about any more and you’d much rather Breen just extract another Clyde yarn from the vault.

— Mitchell Robinson’s high school coach, Butch Stockton, came to town to watch his former pupil in action. The story of how ol’ Butch got Mitch onto his team is hilarious. Basically, one of Butch’s neighbors called him up and said they saw a tall kid walking around, so Butch hopped in his car and went looking for Mitch. Here’s the whole story from Rebecca Haarlow:

And then Rebecca interviewed Butch after the game, and he seems like a delightful coach to have played for:

We have a lot to thank Butch for! First, for finding Mitch out there walking the streets that day. And secondly, for teaching Mitch to block with his left hand, which has easily been his most deadly skill this year.

— A Frank sighting:

— Henry Ellenson had 16 points on 6-8 shooting and seven boards, but I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I was paying enough attention to anything other than the Mario Hezonja Triple-Double Watch when Henrik was accumulating most of those stats.

So said Kaisersoser37, “Point Hez is more fun to watch than Mud.” So true! If I’ve got to watch a horrible blowout, at least let me watch Mario Hezonja running the point. Let’s just shut all the point guards down for the rest of the season.