The NBA Draft is — oh, look — it’s right there! This Thursday, June 20th, the cloudy fates of some 60 young hoopers will become a little clearer. Until they get traded in some mega deal for a borderline superstar or flipped for a future asset unlikely to pan out later.
You can expect all the Woj bombs and sonic booms from Shams to start any second now. We already have this monumental Anthony Davis trade. So what better time to throw together another mock draft that will not resemble what actually happens in any way, shape or form?
Top to bottom, any angle, whatever your mind thinks, this mock can tangle.
1. New Orleans - Zion Williamson, Duke. It is known.
2. Memphis - Ja Morant, Murray State. And with that....
3. New York - R.J. Barrett, Duke. The crowd goes wild. Crying kid cries tears of joy. Poser.
4. New Orleans (from Lakers) - Jaxson Hayes, Texas. This team is looking quite large and rather adult.
5. Cleveland - Jarrett Culver, Texas Tech. A wing to cover up for Sexton on both ends.
6. Phoenix - Coby White, North Carolina. MOAR OFFENTSES!
7. Chicago - Darius Garland, PG, Vanderbilt. I guess I get it.
8. Atlanta - Goga Bitadze, Budućnost VOLI, Montenegro. Oh?! Them Hawks is up to something.
9. Washington - Cam Reddish, Duke. Whoops. Should have scheduled some workouts.
10. Atlanta (from Dallas) - De’Andre Hunter, Virginia. Yea, ok. I’m starting to see it.
11. Minnesota - Tyler Herro, Kentucky. Some perpetual motion and shooting to revolve around KAT.
12. Charlotte - Sekou Doumbouya, Limoges CSP, France. Batum and Parker endorsed him.
13. Miami - Brandon Clarke, Gonzaga. This is such a Heaty pick, I could puke.
14. Boston (from Sac via Phila) - Nicolas Claxton, Georgia. Perfect next to Al Horford, whoops, he gone!
15. Detroit - Nassir Little, North Carolina. Blake Griffin gonna punch him.
16. Orlando - Nickeil Alexander-Walker, Virginia Tech.
17. Atlanta (from Brooklyn) - PJ Washington, Kentucky.
18. Indiana - Cameron Johnson, North Carolina.
19. San Antonio - Grant Williams, Tennessee. Here come the Spurs!
20. Boston (from LA Clippers via Memphis) - Rui Hachimura, Gonzaga. He’s no Kuzma. LOL
21. Oklahoma City - Bol Bol, Oregon. Will Westbrook love or hate 2 Bol?
22. Boston - Bruno Fernando, Maryland. New frontline. Wing must be set.
23. Utah - Chuma Okeke, Auburn. Fuckin’ Jazz. Good pick.
24. Philadelphia - Alen Smailagić, Santa Cruz Warriors, Serbia. Balls.
25. Portland - Romeo Langford, Indiana.
26. Cleveland (from Houston) - Ty Jerome, Virginia. Will be starting for them by season’s end.
27. Brooklyn (from Denver) - Luka Šamanić, KK Petrol Olimpija, Slovenia. 3D chess, right?
28. Golden State - Matisse Thybulle, Washington. The rebuild starts now.
29. San Antonio (from Toronto) - Talen Horton-Tucker, Iowa State. Go Spurs, go!
30. Milwaukee - Jontay Porter, Missouri. Enormous boomer/buster here.
31. Brooklyn (from New York via Philadelphia) - Darius Bazley, New Balance U. Kawhi not.
32. Phoenix - Iggy Brazdeikis, Michigan. Gotta have someone that can beat guys up.
33. Philadelphia (from Cleveland via Orlando and New York) - Carsen Edwards, Purdue. Fireball.
34. Philadelphia (from Chicago via LA Lakers) - DaQuan Jeffries, Tulsa. Wrecking ball.
35. Atlanta - Deividas Sirvydis, Rytas Vilnius, Lithuania. Bust.
36. Charlotte (from Washington via Orl, Den and Atl) - Keldon Johnson, Kentucky. Bust.
37. Dallas - Mfiondu Kabengele, Florida State. Bust.
38. Chicago (from Memphis) - KZ Okpala, Stanford. Bust.
39. New Orleans - Kevin Porter, Jr., USC. Bust.
40. Sacramento (from Minnesota via Por and Cle) - Dylan Windler, Belmont.
41. Atlanta (from Lakers via Cle and Indy) - Terence Davis, Ole Miss.
42. Philadelphia (from Sac via Brooklyn and Mil) - Jordan Bone, Tennessee. Speedball.
43. Minnesota (from Miami via Charlotte) - Jordan Poole, Michigan.
44. Atlanta (from Charlotte) - Yovel Zoosman, Maccabi Tel Aviv, Israel.
45. Detroit - Luguentz Dort, Arizona State.
46. Orlando (from Brooklyn via Memphis and Charlotte) - Terance Mann, Florida State.
47. Sacramento (from Orlando via New York) - Louis King, Oregon.
48. LA Clippers - Isaiah Roby, Nebraska.
49. San Antonio - Zylan Cheatham, Arizona State. Still needs to learn how shoot and also catch.
50. Indiana - Eric Paschall, Villanova. Burlee Boi, ready to contribute!
51. Boston - Charles Bassey, Western Kentucky.
52. Charlotte (from Oklahoma City) - Kerwin Roach, Texas. Ish Smith.0
53. Utah - Admiral Schofield, Tennessee. Major Beef Cake, to you.
54. Philadelphia - Shamorie Ponds, St. John’s. Spitball.
55. New York (from Houston) - Daniel Gafford, Arkansas.
56. LA Clippers (from Portland via Det and Orl) - Adam Mokoka, Mega Bemax, France.
57. New Orleans (from Denver via Milwaukee) - Naz Reid, LSU. Home town hero!
58. Golden State - Dean Wade, Kansas State.
59. Toronto - Neemias Queta, Utah State.
60. Sacramento (from Milwaukee) - Tacko Fall, UCF. Vivek gon Vivek.
As is stands here, we have the Knicks coming away with R.J. Barrett in the first round. He who has been pretty well covered around the wide world and, if I may, rather succinctly right here where you belong. I personally love Barrett and think he is the best player in the draft, bar-none. I was watching some video on him just the other day. Needless to say, I was super impressed.
I’m knowingly unfair to Barrett because my heart wants Culver! I just think Culver’s two-way activity will outweigh the self-serving Barrett barrage certain to overtake any team that allows it. The good thing is that I’m happy to be proven wrong. I actually do believe in Barrett as an impact player who will have many years of individual success. I just had to pick some sour grapes! Forgive me. If there is anything I’m encouraged by, it’s Barrett’s desire to be a truly great player. Whether he has the perseverance and mental make-up to correct some of his more glaring issues is what I’m waiting to see. At three, you are betting that he can overcome his misgivings.
Then with the 55th pick, the Knicks come away with a hard working big man who I like to think of as a generic Elton Brand. Elton store brand, if you will. Daniel Gafford may have hurt his stock a little bit by coming back to school after a promising freshman season. Gafford didn’t falter, he just didn’t add too much depth to his game in year two. Although he’s not going to be a number one option, he’ll certainly be able to flow around a more dynamic set of teammates. Gafford finishes plays on both ends with length, force and athleticism. Bringing a determination that you can’t teach but can absolutely harness. His best role may ultimately be as a Montrezl Harrell-type of bench big bringing relentless force to the game for some brute squad minutes.
We have now reached the conclusion of the Posting and Toasting 2019 NBA Mock Draft. No matter what happens, New York will be universally panned for having messed up something they had little control over. Even if commentators like the picks, they’ll say New York just didn’t do enough. Don’t listen to the heads that talk with their mouths that breathe. Summer League soon come, and free agency sooner still!