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Game Preview: Knicks vs Lakers, 1/22/2020

I feel like I’ve already been punched in the stomach.

Lake Show comes to Madison Square tonight in what will probably be an absolute slaughtering. The Lakers (34-9) got their hind parts handed to them on Monday in Boston and certainly won’t want to let the dumb Knicks (12-32) catch any small amount of wreck. I mean, come on, the Lakers have lost fewer games than the Knicks have won. There would be no excuse.

The Lakers are probably coming in so prepared for this game that the starters already have a plan on how to embarrass them from the bench as time winds down. Will Lebron James do a TikTok where he puts on makeup to look like Timothee Chalamet from the bench in the fourth quarter? He’s already set up shop in New York doing cool things for the youth.

What really makes you think he hasn’t also set up shop to do cool things that the youth do? He’s already done that sort of thing in previous trips to the World’s Most Famous. I for one would be shocked if his Taco Tuesday crew can’t figure this out for him. Get those fools some press passes and baseline seats, set up their steady cams. He should have plenty of time once the game is out of hand. Just towel off, equipment manager can hustle in with the make up kit, tug his rug forward as the bright lights heat up. I think it’s a real possibility.

Projected Starters

If you remember when the Knicks were in Los Angeles, Julius Randle drove to the hoop and trucked Anthony Davis in the air. The Brow slid off the face of the earth and came crashing down ass first. He’s been butt hurt since then, but returned to action on Monday in Boston and he’s probably good to go tonight. Despite still being butt hurt.

Rajon Rondo hurt his wittle fingie but should be available. If my memory serves, Rondo keeps his fingernails long. He probably got his claws caught on a thread of someone’s jersey and bent his finger back. Cut your fingernails, people. Or don’t play basketball, you disgusting taloned freaks!

The Knicks remain without RJ Barrett and Dennis Smith Jr. because the world is cruel and unusual. They may also be without their best player who has an ankle issue. Thankfully it’s not his neck anymore.

Keys & Predictions

Whew boy. First of all. Knicks by -21.

The toughest part about this game is to figure out what to do with Avery Bradley. This is exactly the type of guy that the Knicks brass would have an unhealthy infatuation with. He was a high school star. His game has a certain bad attitude stank to it, a doggedness. So the question becomes, are the Knicks better off letting Bradley get loose and drop 30 on them? Or should they lock him up so fervently that he is practically box and (twenty) one’d? It’s a tough choice.

If he goes off, the Lakers might be unwilling to trade him but the Knicks might want him real, real bad. If he has a really terrible night, the Lakers might be more willing to trade him and the Knicks might think they can get a more favorable deal to bring him in. This is precarious. I say put the fucking clamps on him because it’s Avery Bradley and it’s the year 2020. Somehow this is going to go very, extremely wrong.

Knicks by -29, when you really think about it.

Warm Up Music

Despite all this, the Lakers deserve no respect.

RIP Hostyle. Bonus evergreen anti-giuliani timbo down stompin music. Double bonus eternally QB breezer music. Shit kick them crumb ass Laker boys back to Hollywood!