Game Preview: Knicks vs Raptors, 1/24/2020

My declining mental health from watching Knicks games will be on full display tonight. We already know it’s a Friday night schedule loss. Thanks, Robert Randolph! It just happens to be that the Knicks (12-33) will be facing the defending champion Raptors (30-14). Only seven games out of the eighth seed. Take that for your dumb ass data.

I hope the Family Band is jettisoned as part of this ill fated makeover coming to the World’s Most Famous Arena. Regardless, this news only deepens the depression. There was a sneaky couple little quotes at the end that just totally pierced my little heart though.

The sports idiom is that winning cures all ills. Stoute said that isn’t true, and that there’s a better formula.

No there is not a better formula. You lying hunk of shit.

“Winning cures a lot of problems. Great marketing and exciting entertainment cure all problems,” he said. “The brand has to be strong regardless of the final score. When people are hopeful that things are going to be better, and it brings excitement, all of a sudden that becomes the brand.”

Sometimes I wonder, why I don’t wonder: why I don’t care. This dejection I get from my stupid favorite basketball team is too much sometimes. The Knicks are perpetually painting turds. They eat the art-banana, instead of giving it to the poor.

So in the spirit of protest, I am deciding to betray the trust of an MSG executive whom I have been in touch with over the past few seasons to give you a look at some of the imminent changes due from Steve Stoute and his terrible Translation agency.

Not a lot of people have seen it yet, but this is a Posting and Toasting exclusive look at the new court. I won’t reveal my sources, but suffice to say, this is going to spark some debate. Take a peek:

Projected Starters

There ya have it, folks. A five-on-five matchup and arguably four of the top five players are suiting up for the opposition.

Keys & Predictions

Just stick with it, guys. I know it’s gonna be tough, but extend the defense all the way out on shooters and force them off the three point line. Make steady shooters into shaky drivers. Maybe they’ll shake you off on their way to the cup, but you’ll just have to trust you back line defenders. Contest, contest, contest! Basketball is a simple game. If you do that, there will certainly be some 50/50 balls. You must smother every single one of them. Keep it simple, outwork those dinos for 48 minutes. That will only give the Knicks a chance but it’s their best bet.

Terence Davis will have himself a game, and it will embolden the Allonzo Trier stans. Don’t listen to those feeble minded mouth breathers. The difference they’re not seeing is that Davis gets after it on defense, which leads to his offense. He spots up or he finishes with gusto at the rim. If he doesn’t have something immediately, he moves the ball. These players are the opposite ends of the undrafted spectrum. Trier babysits the ball until it’s all grown up and can’t be held. In fact, it’s getting creepy and you are possibly molesting the basketball now. Then he doesn’t give the requisite effort on defense.

Anyway, I’m imagining Pascal Siakam will get a 5x5 triple double with 54/20/18/6/9

Siakam will be allowed to drive straight to the hoop from 40’ away and the Knicks will half heartedly collapse into to the paint where he can either sneak by them or kick out to the open shooter. His choice!

Knicks by -36.

Warm Up Music

I love the New York basketball Knicks and I hate having no control over their dopey decision making. I need the opioid crisis to effect me personally so that I can kick these cold hearted Knicks-devils.