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Video Game Preview: Clippers @ Knicks, 3/23/2020

Blips on the radar.

The Knicks just can’t catch a break. They catch a whole lotta gettin wrecked to be quite certain. No matter who’s on the sticks, they catch licks. In a time like this, you really don’t want people coming to your house and licking you. In the real world, you can hope for the New York hangover that may afflict a team or two. Ya know, maybe they came in to the city a day early, they spent it disavowing their diets, boozing and schmoozing. Now they hit the court in disrepair; sluggish, druggish. The Knicks might be able to seize the opportunity.

This is video game land though, my friends. The wicked are well rested. The game doesn’t gorge itself on the decadence of an obscene Anthropocene. No one has been sleeping in your bed, little bear, the bed is owned by the AirBNB rent-gouging landlord lizards who are too simple brained to help you, the uncongenial neighbors of the downfall of civilization. We can’t possibly build together right now, we must hastily erect thrones upon which to shit and die on. Wait, what? Clippers-Knicks tonight.

Also one last shot on the 30-player MyLeague Alex and I are trying to run in this pandemic time. We’ll be doing a fairy tale draft and team selection will be on a first come-first serve basis. If you’d be so inclined to join (Xbox only for our purposes). Let me know in the comments and if there is enough interest we’ll get it popping. So far there is zero interest because you nasty people are probably out and about socially gap-closing and handing out trillion dollar cash grabs to our corporate overseers.

Projected Starters

Alex won Rock-Paper-Scissor. At first we both rocked. Then Alex scissorsed my paper. I’m too depressed to talk about it. Alex is the Clippers. In every way.

What a creep. If you’re very online, do whatever you can to convince this guy to be too drunk to perform.

Keys & Predictions

You really think the Clippers are losing this one? Gimme a god damn break. The Knicks are impossible to control. There is always a stretch of the game where you have to play a zero-defense lineup and another stretch... the whole stretch really... where you have to play a no-offense lineup. What am I supposed to do with these fools?

Knicks by -54.

Warm Up Music

I’ll still give it everything I got. I’ll probably get cut like hair, right?

Still gonna peel a few. Just focus on the good, the brightness of a future we all deserve. Not this empty present.