NEW YORK- During today's press conference, Tom Thibodeau revealed that he lost the Knicks' locker room- if only briefly.
"Yeah," Thibodeau said Thursday, "every morning I put the locker room on the kitchen counter while I make my ham and eggs. I also have a glass of orange juice with zero pulp: it just ends up getting stuck in my teeth. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have little bits of orange shoot out of your mouth when you're chittin' the chat with Leon about how his ski trip in Gstaad went? It hit him right in the beezer. Nerts to that, buddy."
When asked when he first realized losing the locker room, Thibodeau replied, "I was tucking in my turquoise Izod and quite honestly, my pants felt a little light. I patted myself down for a minute... you know how it is: 'what am I missing?' 'What did I forget?' Then I looked at the counter and figured out what was absent. I glanced at my watch and started to sweat a little because I was now running late. So I went from room to room still patting myself down thinking about where the hell it was. Then I remembered that I fell asleep on my new Art Linkletter Crafmatic Contour Chair with Optional Heat and Massage Feature reading 'When God Was A Woman' by Merlin Stone. Man, I've never respected or felt more like a woman after reading that. Or maybe a mystical wildebeest. I don't know."
"Anyway," he continued, "I picked up the cushions from the chair and wouldn't you know it - there it was. I was pretty relieved. They say it's always in the last place that you look, but even though I found it, I still looked under the bathroom sink behind the Borax just to disprove that aphorism."
So far, this season has been a moderate success for the Knicks and Thibodeau, even with the locker room hiccup. "We're still working hard," he said, "Just trying to get better every day. The locker room is right where I left it too, so those jagoffs at P&T should stop babbling about that horseshit."